Raising Strong Women in the Aftermath of Infidelity

To close out Women's History Month, I want to celebrate a strong young woman in my life, the one I have had the honor of raising.

I didn't out my wasband (I stole that term from my friend Rachael) to our kids the first time he cheated. I didn't out him after the second time either.

But three strikes and you're OUT.

After I busted him the second time, when I discovered the physical affair, we told the kids we were in marriage counseling and that Dad might be sleeping downstairs for a while. We didn't tell them exactly what the issue was. They were upset. At the ages of 15, 13, and 11, their parents were still their foundation for everything, a strong unit that held their whole lives together. They didn't want the crack in that foundation to crumble it.

There was a lot I wanted to protect in that moment. But the biggest thing was my daughter's perception of her daddy.

Here's to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.

As a daddy's girl myself, I knew how important and influential that bond is with your hero. My dad never once in my life did anything to betray my trust in him or my perception of him as the person with the most integrity in all the world. His job was to protect me, never hurt me, and that is what he did.

So I kept my wasband's secret of infidelity because I didn't want to shatter that image for my daughter.

I kept it until I couldn't keep it anymore. The third time I busted him, I stopped protecting his image and my daughter's perception of him. By this time, she was on the cusp of turning 15 and I had to trust that she would recover from this betrayal to our family in her own way. When I sat my kids down to tell them what their dad had done and that we would be getting divorced, they were devastated. No surprise there. They all dealt with it in their own unique ways.

My daughter refused to speak to him at first but she would work through her emotions (with the help of a therapist) and continue her bond with him. I believe her perception was absolutely altered, especially after she figured out that he lied to her so he could see the other woman.

Somewhere along the way, the girl I was trying so hard to protect grew into the voice of reason in my life. When I broke up with Lance the second time, she told me I should take the summer off from dating and just have Hot Girl Summer. Then, when I broke up with Lance permanently (no going back once I'm betrayed), she was once again there to remind me I don't need no stinkin man. And she's right, I don't. I have proven that to myself over the past 15 months and have found I am very comfortable being alone.

She impresses me and inspires me constantly with her strength, resilience, and independence. She was bullied for six years, but now, she doesn't take crap from anyone and doesn't just stand up for herself, but for others, as well.

I like to believe that I've set a good example for her. I fought for my marriage in spite of my wasband's philandering in those final years. I did that for the sake of our family, but once I knew there was no salvaging the relationship, I ended it with honesty. Since then, I've lived as a strong, independent woman. I've learned how to do things that are traditionally and stereotypically perceived as men's jobs. I've lived in a way where I don't have to rely on anyone else to pay the bills or go on vacation.

My daughter has watched all of that. She has watched me fight to make relationships work. She has watched me walk away when they just won't work. And she's watched me rebuild a life where I stand on my own two feet. If all that has helped shape the strong woman she has become, then every hard step along the way was worth it.