I don't get out much. Since I work from home, I roll out of bed, hit the loo, and stagger another 20 steps to my desk. I shower when I get around to it...sometimes if I get around to it. I might moisturize, but make-up is a rarity.
On this particular day, an ordinary Thursday, I was meeting two friends for lunch. Not only did I shower and style my hair, but I went all out by matching my jewelry and applying makeup. I'm a minimalist when it comes to make-up. I start with mineral powder foundation, maybe a little bronzer on my cheeks, eyeliner on my top lids, liquid eye shadow, a touch of lipstick, and mascara.
As I applied the mascara, I got to thinking about the purple eyelash curler I own but never use. I should get rid of it because my eyelashes are too short for the curler to make any difference. Why I haven't gotten rid of it, I cannot explain. While I thought about the fate of the lonely curler, I realized I'm an ideal candidate for fake eyelashes.
Viola Davis popped into the picture at that thought. I've been binging the show How to Get Away with Murder, which stars Davis as the ruthless lawyer Annalise Keating. I remembered a scene where Keating dramatically peels off her fake eyelashes. In slow procession, she also removes her jewelry, her wig, wipes away her make-up...and in the process, becomes a completely different woman.
The Annalise Keating the world gets to see is strong, ruthless, outspoken, demanding. Her unmasked side, only revealed in the privacy and security of her luxurious bedroom, is vulnerable, terrified, exhausted. She doesn't want to be the woman who gets it done, the one person everyone relies on for their own livelihood and success.
I feel that, Annalise. Very deeply some days.
I brushed on the mascara, first the clear bottom coat, then the black top coat, thinking about the masks we all wear. I strive to be authentic, which is why I don't cake on the make-up. Wearing fake eyelashes is just not who I am. I like to look and feel pretty and get dolled up every once in a while, but I still want to look like me. I certainly don't want to hide behind a mask.
At least not right now.
I've hidden behind a mask countless times in my life, just like Annalise Keating...most recently, when my marriage fell apart and divorce became the final chapter in that story. I put on a brave face and persevered through it. You're probably familiar with the term fake it 'til you make it....we've all done that, haven't we?
Some women make it look so easy, to be put together every day, to own who they are, ready to take over the world. I've always admired those women, if not been a little jealous (I'm only human). People tell me all the time, though, that I'm strong. That they respect me, they look up to me, they are inspired by me. Its humbling, especially considering how often I've worn the mask of a brave face.
I've learned to own every piece of me, every side that creeps past any mask I might want to hide behind. We are all human, with times of terrifying vulnerability, just as Annalise Keating showed us.
We don't have to be strong all the time. Take those moments when what you perceive as your strength needs a rest and show the world your vulnerable side. Being vulnerable is its own kind of strength, possibly more powerful than the strength we show the world without fear. Embrace it. Let it inspire you to inspire others.
And on those days when you want to spice it up a little, go ahead and layer that mascara or stick on those fake eyelashes. Maybe even blow the dust off that purple eyelash curler.
Tell me, what masks do you tend to hide behind?
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