I've always been a bit of a drinker. I enjoy the taste of beer and used to joke that I'd lose weight when beer stopped tasting good.
I also enjoy wine and I've been known a time or two (or every time) to drink a whole bottle on my own...but never alone.
In my much younger years, I used to partake of the hard stuff, mostly vodka and Kahlua, though there was a time in my life when wine coolers were my beverage of choice. I gave up vodka after one too many blackouts, particularly after a painful breakup in my early twenties (teaser...I tell this story in my book in progress, Thriving in the Aftermath).
While married, my ex-husband and I enjoyed a couple beers in the evenings, though for him it became more than a couple. He got to a point of drinking up to a 12-pack a night. In fact, Saturday was the second anniversary of an unexpected milestone.
My husband drank so much that the sound of a beer can opening actually became a trigger for me, and one man I dated for a brief time (last summer while my last guy and I were on a break) enjoyed getting drunk on his days off, and I knew that was going to be a problem for me.
"When people are unhappy, they often try to make themselves feel better by indulging in addictions or behaviors that may feel good in the moment but are ultimately detrimental. It is only a temporary way to numb or escape our unhappiness through fleeting experiences of pleasure." -Marci Shimoff, Happy for No Reason
I continued to drink after my husband moved out, but it was less and less as time passed until I got to a time last year when I pretty much stopped drinking. It seems to be more of a special occasion sort of thing now, like New Year's Eve and my birthday, but it is not at all a common occurrence. I have a stash of wine collecting dust, and I rarely buy beer now. I don't miss it.
While on vacation in January, I had a couple drinks a day at our all inclusive resort, and a couple nights enjoyed champagne with dinner. I haven't had a drink since then.
When I ended the relationship with my last guy a month ago, I uttered that night that I needed a stiff drink. But that's not what I needed at all and I opted for lavender in the diffuser instead of a drink down my gullet.
I made it through that first night and next day without turning to alcohol to drown my sorrows. I made it through a full week of work, including several restless nights. I made it through the first weekend without any craving or false need.
I've been writing regularly, reading, rearranging furniture, taking naps, watching my favorite movies and shows, and crocheting. I'm never one to sit idle anyway, so I've been allowing my favorite activities to occupy my mind. All things that help heal my heart. I use a meditation app at night to help clear my mind and allow me to fall asleep with relative ease.
I've never had a sober breakup before (at least not as an adult). I'm quite proud of it, to be honest. I've worked hard on myself over the past few years and am at a point where I don't need or want a dangerous substance to cloud the pain. I've got aromatherapy. I've got writing. I've got a meditation app. I've got my vibe tribe. I'm blessed with support and the knowledge to get me through another emotional trauma in a healthy, productive way.
It's been a month since the break-up and the sobriety is going strong. I'm not saying I won't ever drink again, but when I do, it won't be based on a false need or broken heart.
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