One of my closest friends is going through a thing right now. Since I'm recovering from a broken heart too, we call upon each other frequently to validate what we are feeling.
She was engaged in a casual relationship, but despite the casual status, she and the man both caught a case of the feelings. Things came to an abrupt end, though, when he reconnected with someone from his past and decided to pursue a relationship with her.
Despite knowing the relationship was never going to go anywhere (he doesn't want kids and she has a herd), she is sad. For her, it's less about the relationship and more about the communication and connection. They had chatted every day for nearly a year.
She had deleted him off all her social media except for Snapchat and told him it was up to him to delete her if he wanted to. His response was that he wasn't going to delete her, but they ended a 322 day streak of snapping with each other and the BFF emoji disappeared.
"And those are dumb things to be sad about," she said.
My response: No they aren't.
It's the little things that feed our happiness.
I understand what she's going through. When I ended things with Lance last spring, we still chatted nearly every day. Eventually, that chatting led to a conversation that led to us getting back together. A few months later, he moved in with me. Then, in February, he betrayed our relationship and I ended things immediately. I packed his things and didn't even let him back in my house. It took three weeks before I could even message him directly about random things of his I had found around the house.
No more daily chats, whether online or in person. And admittedly, I miss him. Two days ago would have been our two year anniversary (if you exclude the break last summer). Your heart doesn't stop caring even though someone hurts you or leaves you.
I advised my friend to keep owning every emotion and reminder, that doing so is the path to healing. And then I said, "we need an obsess over our broken hearts night." She agreed.
A couple weeks after my break up, I messaged her. "I miss Lance. Tell me it's ok and it's normal and other validating things."
She was there for me immediately with her response: "It is definitely normall!! And it is okay and will be okay."
That was all I needed.
She has her tribe and I have my tribe and we happen to be a part of each other's tribe. We are blessed not only with our respective tribes, but to have each other. Having that person who will validate your feelings, no matter how ridiculous they seem, it's invaluable, because, let me tell you, everything you ever feel is completely valid. Own it.
The only way out is through.
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